Singleness/Marriage

I received a text from a good friend about the goal of single adult Bible studies:

"A singles ministry is not meant to be an intervention of hopeless, loveless people, nor is it to be a Christian bachelor/bachelorette pad where people are simply to mingle and receive roses.  Seeing to it that all the people get hitched should not be the ultimate goal."

I could not agree more.  I personally do not believe that I am called to singleness, but I believe that singleness is a calling.

Unfortunately, these days a particular view has come upon those in the Church who are single.  They are looked upon as the unlucky ones.  Those poor, miserable wretches!  No one loves them!  He/she seems like such a nice person.  Why can't they find a girl/guy?  For anyone who has thought this, has the thought occurred to you that maybe they should not?  It may be that God is calling that particular person to singleness, either for a time or for life.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Choosing to live, or being chosen to live, as Jesus did (and likely how Paul did) should not be viewed as a failing or something to be pitied.

The Church today is in bad shape in many ways, and one of those ways is marriage.  The divorce rate is up over fifty percent!  50%!!!  That's pathetic!  That is essentially the same as unbelievers, and it makes me sick!  Marriage is sacred.  When you say, "I do," it is for life.  There is only one reason I can see in Scripture that makes divorce acceptable,
"It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’  But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery" (Matthew 5:31-32).  Why does the Scripture suddenly get ignored when someone decides, yes decides, they do not "love" the other person any more?

Understand this:  love is a choice.  God has commanded us to love others.  He is just and good, and He will only command us to do that which it is possible to do.  That means we can choose to love, and that means a spouse chooses to love their spouse.

What about when money becomes an issue?
Did you not promise, "For richer or poorer?"

"If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless" (James 1:26).

The state of marriage in the Church is sad, and it should be a source of shame in all believers.  If you cannot be truthful and steadfast in something like that, why should the unbeliever believe anything else you have to say?

I say all this about marriage for the following reason.

Singleness is not contemptible.  In fact, I believe that more should choose it than do.  The state of marriage in the Church is evidence that at least one of the two people there should have remained single.  It may be that one or both of the people that end up divorced have looked to the other to satisfy them in a way that only God can.  They should have been looking to Him.  They should have been seeking Him, and they should have been seeking Him together!  I don't remember the exact statistic, but the vast majority (somewhere around 90% to 95%) of couples who pray together regularly, stay married, and they are happy in that marriage.

If you are married, you need to be seeking and focused on God in your marriage.  If you are single, you should seek to know whether God would have you get married or stay single.  Both are good, but you need to know which way to go.

7x70

When I was a boy, one of the close family friends were my next door neighbors.  They were an older black couple that I remember being very nice.  To this day my mom enjoys telling the story of one morning when they realized I was nowhere at home.  Understandably, my parents worried and went looking for me only to find me over at Smitty and Laurice’s house having breakfast.

In the middle of the night, my mom woke me up.  I still remember the scene vividly as I write this.  She came and sat down next to my bed, and the look on her face coupled with the tone of her voice told me something was wrong.  She told me that Smitty was dead.  He was a mailman, and he had been out doing his route when a drunk driver hit his vehicle flipping it.  I never got to say goodbye.

Being around people is a situation that is bound to cause pain.  None of us are perfect, and we are going to hurt each other or let each other down from time to time.  That’s just the truth of it.  It’s life.

Renee had four daughters.  One day her daughter, Megan, was in a car with her friend on the way home from the beach when they were hit by Eric, who was behind the wheel drunk.  Both girls were killed by the collision.  Eric was 24 years old, and he was sentenced to 22 years in prison. 

Renee began to travel around to schools and churches speaking about the dangers of drunk driving.  After doing these speaking engagements for a time, she started to see that something was missing.  When she realized this, God laid it on her heart that she had not forgiven Eric for taking her daughter’s life, so that is exactly what she did.  She reached out to Eric in prison and forgave him.  “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).  From that single act of compassion, the rest of her family followed her lead and forgave Eric for what he had done.  Through the immense love shown to him by this family, Eric was led to his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  “Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven, and whose sins are covered” (Romans 4:7).

Renee not only forgave Eric.  She also got his prison sentence cut in half to 11 years, and the plans are to have Eric join her as she begins preaching the power of forgiveness along with the dangers of drunk driving.  They now describe Eric as part of their family.  They lost a daughter, but they gained a son.  I think Megan is smiling in heaven, and I know God is.

The Story Behind Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not a foreign concept for those who walk with Jesus, but often I believe we do not understand the lengths we are expected to go in forgiving others.  Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”  Jesus responds to Peter, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:21-22).  Jesus is saying in no uncertain terms that there should be no end to your forgiveness.

The truth is that all of us are guilty before God, and He has forgiven us more than we can comprehend by pouring out His own blood at the cross.  There was no other way, “For the life of the flesh is in the blood, and I have given it for you on the altar to make atonement for your souls, for it is the blood that makes atonement by the life” (Leviticus 17:11).  All of us were guilty of our own sin and would have to pay our own debt, but God was not.  Only He could pay for the sin debt of another.  So He paid the debt for everyone.  We just have to accept it.

In light of that forgiveness we have already received for our sins against God, it is only right for us to act in the same way and forgive the sins against us.  If we cannot forgive, do we really have forgiveness?

“And forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us…  For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:12, 14-15).

After Smitty was killed, I had to figure out how to forgive the man who did it.  I was angry at him, hated him.  He didn’t know it, though.  He doesn’t even know who I am.  It has been said, “To hold a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”  It is true.  Holding onto anger against another person only hurts you.  Forgive them and experience the freedom God wants you to have in that forgiveness.  “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that prisoner was you” (Lewis B. Smedes).

Then, after you have experienced that freedom, show them the freedom of knowing Jesus and being forgiven of everything you have ever done wrong.

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.  For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit” (Romans 8:1-4).

The Mission

          He set his feet in the dust and grit his teeth.  This was the moment it all came to.  All the pain, all the training, all the sacrifice came down to this day.  To his left and right stood men of courage and steadfast will like his own.  These were men he loved and aspired to be like.  He had never told them, but he wanted to make them proud today.  He wanted to stand tall with them and show them he was worthy to stand with them in this battle.

          The horn blows, and the training kicks in.  It feels like instinct as every shield locks into place with the shields on either side.  They form a shield wall, a barrier of steel against the oncoming horde.  “Spears!”  Immediately seven foot poles fitted with steel spearheads emerge from the shield wall.

          He grips the shaft of his spear tightly as he levels the weapon toward the enemy.  This is the instrument that will do the damage.  This is the tool by which the enemy will fall.  By this spear the mission will be accomplished!

          It is the weapon that has had the most impact in war since the beginning of time.  It has even been used as recently as the 19^th Century. It is a simple weapon made of two parts:  the shaft and the blade.  Both can be somewhat effective by themselves.  The blade can do damage.  The shaft can strike at range, but when you put them together, you have a weapon of substantial power.

          The spear is the mission!  The mission that God has put us on in this world is to, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations!” (Matthew 28:19a).  When it comes to people, there are two parts of the mission, just like there are two parts of the spear.  You must have a team of people that feel the call of God to go.  This is the blade.  They will bring the Gospel of the Lord Jesus to where it needs to hit and make the impact.  There it will pierce hearts and change lives.  The other part is the shaft.  These are the people that pray for and provide financially for those who go.  They make it possible for the team to reach across continents and help them to be effective.  The shaft gets the blade where it needs to be to do damage to the kingdom of darkness.  “For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds” (1 Corinthians 10:4).

          You are called to be part of the spear as God has called you to go forth and make disciples.  You are to be the blade wherever you are while others are praying for you to be effective where you are.  Maybe you are called to be the blade in a distant place where the rest of the church will be the shaft that gets you there.  Maybe you are called to be part of that shaft, in prayer or in both prayer and financial support, which will send the blade further than it could have gone without you.

          We have multiple mission opportunities on the horizon at Eastlake.  We will be starting some mission work in our local communities before the end of the year, and the United Kingdom mission will continue next summer.  Pray and ask God what part He would have you play in the mission to reach this world with the light of Jesus Christ.

Pride & Lust

The other day I got onto Facebook, and a wonderful friend of mine had this written this on her wall:

“Guys, if you're out driving and see a woman jogging, DON'T turn your head to look at her! She does see you, and she thinks you're a creeper.”

Then I looked at a comment made on it by another friend:

“Girls, if you’re out driving and see a man jogging, DO turn your head to look at him!  Make sure he sees you so that he thinks he’s AWESOME!”

It does not take much to get me thinking on a particular subject, and this comment is all it took to get me thinking again.  Why is it that the same act can promote such a different response from male and female?  I started thinking about my own response.  How have I taken it when I’m out on a run and a woman driving by takes a look at me?  Well, I have to say, I consider it a compliment.

I started thinking about my own response to this, and I started wondering how righteous this response was.  Is it in agreement with the standard of righteousness and holiness that God lays down for us in Scripture.  Some of you might be thinking, “It is just a little look!  Is it really necessary to bring in God?”  Well, YES!  God is the center of ever part of our life.  He is the God of the big things and the God of the small things.  Every thought, every emotion, every second in this world is part of the spiritual war waged between light and darkness.  Whether you think about it or not, this war is always a part of your life, “For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.  We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete” (2 Corinthians 10:4-6).

If every thought is part of the war waged, and we are to take every thought captive to Christ, where does it leave the thoughts occurring when we take a look out the window at the jogger?  What about the person at the beach or just that person walking down the street that catches your eye?  I am not willing to say that it is evil to look.  However, you have to know what is happening when you are looking.  Is lust going on?  “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).  I know that I have looked at a woman before and admired her beauty and strength apart from any lustful intent, but that is not always the case for people, guys or girls.  It is not always the case for any particular person either.  At some point or another, everyone lusts.  It ultimately comes down to the responsibility of the individual to regulate and take responsibility not to look if lust is there.

Let’s go even further.  It would be naïve of us to believe that this is just a one-way interaction.  As Lauren said, “She does see you, and she thinks you're a creeper.”  The feelings of the person being looked at must be taken into account.  Even if the look of the first is entirely pure, admiration free of any lustful intent, it does not mean it is perceived in that light by the receiver.  If it is not, the looker offends against charity, for it is uncharitable to make another feel uncomfortable by your actions, and I know that I don’t want to make anyone feel that way.

If we are to err on the side of safety and charity, it is just better never to look.  That would make it simple.  However, life is not that simple.  God has made women to be beautiful to men and men to be attractive to women.  Looks are not inherently bad.  If we never looked, it is hard to believe anyone would ever be in a relationship at all, and God instituted marriage from the beginning.  The context of the look is important.  There is a big difference between being drawn to a person you meet at work or church versus hanging your tongue out the window as your drive by.  A look from a car will never amount to anything.  I have heard a lot of love stories, marriage stories, etc., and never have any of them started with, “I was out on my jog, and this person came driving by looking at me…”

So, why do some people like the looks from the people driving by if they will never come to anything?  Honestly, it may be pride.  I may have to call myself out here because I do like the looks.  I also do not think it is just guys who like the looks.  I think there are some women who like being checked out as well, whether they will admit it or not.  I think it just has to do with the person.  


Why do you run?  I don’t run because I enjoy it, though I enjoy it now much more than when I started running.  I run because I have never found anything else that will keep the fat off me like running coupled with eating right.  I run because I want to be healthy, feel good, and look good. If I am honest with myself, looking good is at the top of that list.  Enter pride.  When a woman looks at me, from the car or anywhere else, I do like it.  The only situation which changes that is if she is married, then it makes me sick to my stomach.  If she is single, though, it really does feel like a compliment, but it can also be an occasion for pride, “Make sure he sees you so that he thinks he’s AWESOME!”  Once again, I am not willing to say that any positively received look is fully enflaming the pride of the receiver.  If that was the case, every relationship would include a big side of pride.  I think, once again, it becomes the responsibility of the individual person to make sure it does not become a pride issue.

That is probably a lot to come from two little comments.  As I said, it does not take much to get me thinking on things.

Questions of Choice and Consequence

Recently, I have felt God wanting me to read through the book of Job.  That is a scary prospect to come to.  At first I willingly obeyed.  I like it when I do that.  I wish I did it every time.  Then a question hit me:  “Why?”  Why does God want me to read Job?  What most people remember about the book of Job is that God allowed all the prosperity of Job to be taken from him even though he was a really stand-up guy, so naturally I quickly start to worry whether God is preparing me to undergo the same thing.  Maybe He is, but as I started thinking about it, a reason much more specific to me started forming in my mind.  I have a problem believing that the blessings of God depend on my actions.  I hate sin.  I despise myself when I fall to it, and I have found myself wondering if I have missed out on some of the good things God had for me in my life because I lusted or spoke in anger.  Marriage is one of those things.  I see most of the people my age married and having children, but that is not something God has given me.  I wonder why.  Is it something I did?  Did I mess it up?

I don’t want to negate responsibility for sin.  It is true that sin can directly keep us from experiencing the blessings of God.  In 2 Samuel 11, David fails miserably.  It is hard to think of a man failing in a worse way.  First he gets lazy and dishonors himself by not going out to war with the men he has sent to the front.  He commits adultery with a woman he has been put in position to protect as her king, and then he conspires against and murders the husband of the woman he violates.  God punishes David as the child conceived in adultery is lost.  Bathsheba also had to live with the death of her child and possibly the fate of Uriah for her part in it.

What I have wondered is if God is holding marriage from me a punishment for my past sin.  This question has tormented me, especially since my ex-fiancée called off our wedding and has refused to speak to me since that point.  God has allowed me to move passed my relationship with her, the pain of the relationship ending, and the confusion of being left with no real closure, but the question still remains.  Is this a punishment?

I also felt God’s call in a way that leaves no doubt at all in my mind or heart to be up here in Indiana far away from anyone I knew.  I am eternally grateful for those who have become my friends.  It has made more of a difference than they could possibly know.  Yet, it is still hard sometimes to go home to an empty apartment.  Is this punishment?

In light of these questions, the story of Job suddenly makes a lot of sense.  Maybe, these are just the trials that God has for me.  Maybe, like Job, they have nothing to do with the sin I have committed.  It is just the hardship of the calling He has given me.  I told Him that I would go.  I asked Him to use me, and He certainly has.  The joys of this calling are as great as the pains.  It is a calling of extremes, but I have to minister.  I have to be a pastor.  I know the calling He has put on my life, and I would ask for no other.  If I am to be unmarried for the rest of my life, it is a cross I will just have to bear, but maybe it won’t be that way…

Blogging Atheist

This particular post will be a little different from my other posts.

Today I decided to look at a few comments on a blog called Friendly Atheist.  I was curious about a comment I saw him make that I stumbled across during a google search.

I read through a few of his posts and many of the comments given on those posts.  One thing I find quite interesting is that the majority of these posters assume that all Christians are morons and all atheists are extremely intelligent.  Why?  I have listened to very smart people on both sides of the argument, and I have listened to people on both sides who are just not gifted with brainpower.  Does that mean they are less valuable?  No.  Intelligence does not equal value for any person, and just because a person is very smart does not mean they are right on every subject.  Now it is true that an intelligent person, if they have thought through, considered, reasoned, and left emotion out of it, has a better chance of coming up with a correct assessment of what the truth is.  However, I have noticed two pervasive characteristics in the majority of things I have seen atheists write in blogs and forums like these:  anger and arrogance.

Anger, being expressed less than the other, is certainly easier to see.  I saw this more on Panda's Thumb than in any other place.  However, this emotion did not seem to come from the creation vs evolution debate.  It seems to come from anger in being burned by a church.  Now, they could have in fact been mistreated by people who claim Christ, or in fact, they could have been treated very well but refused to give up sin and been angry because the church would not accept it.  I have personally seen the latter, and I have heard instances of the former by people I trust.

Arrogance is the by far the most common of these two.  Sarcasm and condescension drips from these comments.  All of the bites and jabs come together to form one overriding statement:  If you don't believe what I believe about this whole God idea, you're stupid, a complete moron.  When I have participated in a few of the "debates" in these forums, that is the attitude with which I was greeted.  Now, this is certainly not true of every atheist or agnostic I have read comments from or talked with.  To label them so would be as ridiculous as labeling every Christian an idiot or every atheist a genius or visa versa or any combination that can be put together there I think...  especially ancient Rome's labeling of Christians as atheists.  Some atheists are quite respectful and nice to talk to and even debate and reason with.  Some are even nicer to deal with than some Christians.

I don't understand why they are so angry and unbelievably insulting toward Christians for what we believe.  After all, if there is no god, are not we all just doing what our instincts have predisposed us to do?  How could we be blamed for that?  On the other hand, if there is something more, if God is really there, and a spiritual war is being waged for our souls, does it not make sense that the Deceiver would do everything in his power to belittle the position of truth?

Theology of Blood

I followed my uncle down the trail.  It was just one foot after the other as the dry dirt was crushed under every footfall.  My dad and brother were right behind, and I could hear their steps kicking up the dust a few paces back on that path down near Uvalde, TX.  I always loved the hill country.  As I gazed across the uneven landscape toward the horizon, I would feel at home.  This was something new, though, because my uncle carried a shotgun today.

I had never gone hunting before.  I was old enough to have the basic concept down, but I really did not know what to expect.  Bob stopped in a clearing up ahead.  He set down the ammo case and began loading the weapon.  We didn't say a word.  Dad had told us to stay quiet, and I knew I didn't want to mess anything up.  The anticipation of the unknown made it feel like the ages of the earth were passing, though I'm sure it was only a few minutes.  Then, in an instant, he raised the weapon and fired two quick rounds into the sky, and I saw a dark form fall to the ground.  I remember marking the spot where the bird had fallen in my head, and I went after it.  My uncle said not to worry about it, he was just sighting the weapon, but I went anyway.  I vividly remember seeing the little sparrow lying on the rock where it fell, and I remember picking it up.  The pellets of buckshot had riddled its small body, and it looked at me while gasping for breath.  It died soon afterward.  I put it down on the rocks, and as I drew my hand back, I remember the blood.

"For the life of the flesh is in the blood, and I have given it for you on the altar to make atonement for your souls, for it is the blood that makes atonement by the life" (Leviticus 17:11).

Under the Law, the Israelites were required to pour out the blood of animals on the altar of God.  There was no pleasure in it.  It was not just a ritual.  There was a reason that blood had to be spilled.

Mankind is a strange creature.  He can be strong, courageous, and valiant.  He can be kind and care for those around him, but he is also corrupt.  He lies and cheats.  He has evil thoughts of murder and lust.  He will steal if he can to get what he wants at times.  If you have trouble believing this, I have a question for you:  do you lock your doors at night?  Think about yourself even.  Have you ever lied?  Have you ever lusted?  Have you ever stolen anything?  Have you ever hated anyone?

Jesus said:

"You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’  But I say to you thateveryone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire" (Matthew 5:21-22).

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.'  But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:27-28).

If you're honest about it, by your own admission, you are a liar.  You're an adulterer.  You're a thief.  You are a murderer.  Maybe you're all of the above.  I am.  I'm pretty messed up, and because I did those things I was under the wrath and condemnation of God...  just as you are under it now.  I don't say this to put you down.  I say it so you will see why the blood is so important.

The Israelites lusted and murdered and lied and stole also, and those evil things caused a separation between them and God just like it has with you today.  It caused a debt, a blood debt, because there is only one way to pay for doing wrong: "the wages of sin is death" (Romans 6:23a).  Sin is a severe thing.  It is not causal.  It is not ok because "everyone does it."  It is a personal slap in the face to the One who created you and loves you.  When an Israelite did evil, it had to be paid for.  He paid for it in the blood of his animal on the altar.  It showed his faith and trust in God for the fixing of that separation that was between them.  Ultimately, though, "it is impossible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins" (Hebrews 10:4) because, "God made man in his own image" (Genesis 9:6b).  What that payment did was show how serious it is when we do evil as well as allow the person to show their faith in the true payment that was to come.

On the morning of the 3rd of April 33AD, Roman soldiers moved through the streets of Jerusalem.  With them a man struggled along as blood trickled from multiple cuts and lacerations.  His face was so bloodied and bruised that He no longer looked human, "His appearance was so marred, beyond human semblance, and His form beyond that of the children of mankind" (Isaiah 52:14).  On His back, scrapping and splintering into His wounds, was a cross, the instrument of His execution, to be used when they reached the place, given in Scripture as κρανίου τόπος or Calvary.

The metallic ring and sickening sound of punctured flesh resonated in the ears of those who were present as they drove the nails through His hands and feet.  The smell of blood came on the breeze as it coursed over the hill outside the city, and the people looked up at the crucified Christ.  Darkness came over the land, and Jesus cried, "'It is finished,' and He bowed His head and gave up His spirit" (John 19:30).

God exists outside time, so He is not confined within it or limited by it.  The effect of the death of Jesus was a cascade that moved back through and forward in time itself, echoing through and shaking the very foundations of existence!  It changed everything!  It moved back through the centuries to the Israelite sacrificing His lamb on the altar, back to Abraham when he sacrificed the ram on the altar in place of Isaac, back to the very beginning when God Himself sacrificed the first animal to make clothing of its skin to cover Adam and Eve after the first sin at the very dawn of creation, and it has moved forward in time to you in this very moment as you read these words.

Jesus paid the blood debt for the wrong you have done, and the reparation of the separation between you and God that exists even now is ready to be had.  Do you believe it?  You can have it now.  It is given to you!  In that you will know Him, and in knowing Him you will truly live, bought by His blood...  and alive again in His resurrection as you look forward to everlasting life!

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more.  And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.  And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be His people, and God Himself will be with them as their God.  He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.'  And He who was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new'" (Revelation 21:1-5a).