Singleness/Marriage

I received a text from a good friend about the goal of single adult Bible studies:

"A singles ministry is not meant to be an intervention of hopeless, loveless people, nor is it to be a Christian bachelor/bachelorette pad where people are simply to mingle and receive roses.  Seeing to it that all the people get hitched should not be the ultimate goal."

I could not agree more.  I personally do not believe that I am called to singleness, but I believe that singleness is a calling.

Unfortunately, these days a particular view has come upon those in the Church who are single.  They are looked upon as the unlucky ones.  Those poor, miserable wretches!  No one loves them!  He/she seems like such a nice person.  Why can't they find a girl/guy?  For anyone who has thought this, has the thought occurred to you that maybe they should not?  It may be that God is calling that particular person to singleness, either for a time or for life.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Choosing to live, or being chosen to live, as Jesus did (and likely how Paul did) should not be viewed as a failing or something to be pitied.

The Church today is in bad shape in many ways, and one of those ways is marriage.  The divorce rate is up over fifty percent!  50%!!!  That's pathetic!  That is essentially the same as unbelievers, and it makes me sick!  Marriage is sacred.  When you say, "I do," it is for life.  There is only one reason I can see in Scripture that makes divorce acceptable,
"It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’  But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery" (Matthew 5:31-32).  Why does the Scripture suddenly get ignored when someone decides, yes decides, they do not "love" the other person any more?

Understand this:  love is a choice.  God has commanded us to love others.  He is just and good, and He will only command us to do that which it is possible to do.  That means we can choose to love, and that means a spouse chooses to love their spouse.

What about when money becomes an issue?
Did you not promise, "For richer or poorer?"

"If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless" (James 1:26).

The state of marriage in the Church is sad, and it should be a source of shame in all believers.  If you cannot be truthful and steadfast in something like that, why should the unbeliever believe anything else you have to say?

I say all this about marriage for the following reason.

Singleness is not contemptible.  In fact, I believe that more should choose it than do.  The state of marriage in the Church is evidence that at least one of the two people there should have remained single.  It may be that one or both of the people that end up divorced have looked to the other to satisfy them in a way that only God can.  They should have been looking to Him.  They should have been seeking Him, and they should have been seeking Him together!  I don't remember the exact statistic, but the vast majority (somewhere around 90% to 95%) of couples who pray together regularly, stay married, and they are happy in that marriage.

If you are married, you need to be seeking and focused on God in your marriage.  If you are single, you should seek to know whether God would have you get married or stay single.  Both are good, but you need to know which way to go.

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When I was a boy, one of the close family friends were my next door neighbors.  They were an older black couple that I remember being very nice.  To this day my mom enjoys telling the story of one morning when they realized I was nowhere at home.  Understandably, my parents worried and went looking for me only to find me over at Smitty and Laurice’s house having breakfast.

In the middle of the night, my mom woke me up.  I still remember the scene vividly as I write this.  She came and sat down next to my bed, and the look on her face coupled with the tone of her voice told me something was wrong.  She told me that Smitty was dead.  He was a mailman, and he had been out doing his route when a drunk driver hit his vehicle flipping it.  I never got to say goodbye.

Being around people is a situation that is bound to cause pain.  None of us are perfect, and we are going to hurt each other or let each other down from time to time.  That’s just the truth of it.  It’s life.

Renee had four daughters.  One day her daughter, Megan, was in a car with her friend on the way home from the beach when they were hit by Eric, who was behind the wheel drunk.  Both girls were killed by the collision.  Eric was 24 years old, and he was sentenced to 22 years in prison. 

Renee began to travel around to schools and churches speaking about the dangers of drunk driving.  After doing these speaking engagements for a time, she started to see that something was missing.  When she realized this, God laid it on her heart that she had not forgiven Eric for taking her daughter’s life, so that is exactly what she did.  She reached out to Eric in prison and forgave him.  “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).  From that single act of compassion, the rest of her family followed her lead and forgave Eric for what he had done.  Through the immense love shown to him by this family, Eric was led to his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  “Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven, and whose sins are covered” (Romans 4:7).

Renee not only forgave Eric.  She also got his prison sentence cut in half to 11 years, and the plans are to have Eric join her as she begins preaching the power of forgiveness along with the dangers of drunk driving.  They now describe Eric as part of their family.  They lost a daughter, but they gained a son.  I think Megan is smiling in heaven, and I know God is.

The Story Behind Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not a foreign concept for those who walk with Jesus, but often I believe we do not understand the lengths we are expected to go in forgiving others.  Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?”  Jesus responds to Peter, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:21-22).  Jesus is saying in no uncertain terms that there should be no end to your forgiveness.

The truth is that all of us are guilty before God, and He has forgiven us more than we can comprehend by pouring out His own blood at the cross.  There was no other way, “For the life of the flesh is in the blood, and I have given it for you on the altar to make atonement for your souls, for it is the blood that makes atonement by the life” (Leviticus 17:11).  All of us were guilty of our own sin and would have to pay our own debt, but God was not.  Only He could pay for the sin debt of another.  So He paid the debt for everyone.  We just have to accept it.

In light of that forgiveness we have already received for our sins against God, it is only right for us to act in the same way and forgive the sins against us.  If we cannot forgive, do we really have forgiveness?

“And forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us…  For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:12, 14-15).

After Smitty was killed, I had to figure out how to forgive the man who did it.  I was angry at him, hated him.  He didn’t know it, though.  He doesn’t even know who I am.  It has been said, “To hold a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”  It is true.  Holding onto anger against another person only hurts you.  Forgive them and experience the freedom God wants you to have in that forgiveness.  “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that prisoner was you” (Lewis B. Smedes).

Then, after you have experienced that freedom, show them the freedom of knowing Jesus and being forgiven of everything you have ever done wrong.

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.  For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit” (Romans 8:1-4).