I received a text from a good friend about the goal of single adult Bible studies:
"A singles ministry is not meant to be an intervention of hopeless, loveless people, nor is it to be a Christian bachelor/bachelorette pad where people are simply to mingle and receive roses. Seeing to it that all the people get hitched should not be the ultimate goal."
I could not agree more. I personally do not believe that I am called to singleness, but I believe that singleness is a calling.
Unfortunately, these days a particular view has come upon those in the Church who are single. They are looked upon as the unlucky ones. Those poor, miserable wretches! No one loves them! He/she seems like such a nice person. Why can't they find a girl/guy? For anyone who has thought this, has the thought occurred to you that maybe they should not? It may be that God is calling that particular person to singleness, either for a time or for life. There is nothing wrong with that. Choosing to live, or being chosen to live, as Jesus did (and likely how Paul did) should not be viewed as a failing or something to be pitied.
The Church today is in bad shape in many ways, and one of those ways is marriage. The divorce rate is up over fifty percent! 50%!!! That's pathetic! That is essentially the same as unbelievers, and it makes me sick! Marriage is sacred. When you say, "I do," it is for life. There is only one reason I can see in Scripture that makes divorce acceptable,
"It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery" (Matthew 5:31-32). Why does the Scripture suddenly get ignored when someone decides, yes decides, they do not "love" the other person any more?
Understand this: love is a choice. God has commanded us to love others. He is just and good, and He will only command us to do that which it is possible to do. That means we can choose to love, and that means a spouse chooses to love their spouse.
What about when money becomes an issue?
Did you not promise, "For richer or poorer?"
"If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless" (James 1:26).
The state of marriage in the Church is sad, and it should be a source of shame in all believers. If you cannot be truthful and steadfast in something like that, why should the unbeliever believe anything else you have to say?
I say all this about marriage for the following reason.
Singleness is not contemptible. In fact, I believe that more should choose it than do. The state of marriage in the Church is evidence that at least one of the two people there should have remained single. It may be that one or both of the people that end up divorced have looked to the other to satisfy them in a way that only God can. They should have been looking to Him. They should have been seeking Him, and they should have been seeking Him together! I don't remember the exact statistic, but the vast majority (somewhere around 90% to 95%) of couples who pray together regularly, stay married, and they are happy in that marriage.
If you are married, you need to be seeking and focused on God in your marriage. If you are single, you should seek to know whether God would have you get married or stay single. Both are good, but you need to know which way to go.
Showing posts with label flesh. Show all posts
Showing posts with label flesh. Show all posts
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Friday, July 20, 2012
Pride & Lust
The other day I got onto Facebook, and a wonderful friend of mine had this written this on her wall:
“Guys, if you're out driving and see a woman
jogging, DON'T turn your head to look at her! She does see you, and she thinks
you're a creeper.”
Then I looked at a comment made on it by another
friend:
“Girls, if you’re out driving and see a man jogging, DO
turn your head to look at him! Make sure
he sees you so that he thinks he’s AWESOME!”
It does not take much to get me thinking on a particular
subject, and this comment is all it took to get me thinking again. Why is it that the same act can promote such
a different response from male and female?
I started thinking about my own response. How have I taken it when I’m out on a run and
a woman driving by takes a look at me?
Well, I have to say, I consider it a compliment.
I started thinking about my own response to this, and I
started wondering how righteous this response was. Is it in agreement with the standard of
righteousness and holiness that God lays down for us in Scripture. Some of you might be thinking, “It is just a
little look! Is it really necessary to
bring in God?” Well, YES! God is the center of ever part of our
life. He is the God of the big things
and the God of the small things. Every
thought, every emotion, every second in this world is part of the spiritual war
waged between light and darkness.
Whether you think about it or not, this war is always a part of your
life, “For the weapons
of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge
of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every
disobedience, when your obedience is complete” (2 Corinthians 10:4-6).
If
every thought is part of the war waged, and we are to take every thought
captive to Christ, where does it leave the thoughts occurring when we take a
look out the window at the jogger? What
about the person at the beach or just that person walking down the street that
catches your eye? I am not willing to
say that it is evil to look. However,
you have to know what is happening when you are looking. Is lust going on? “But I say to you that everyone who looks
at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his
heart” (Matthew 5:28). I know that I
have looked at a woman before and admired her beauty and strength apart from
any lustful intent, but that is not always the case for people, guys or girls. It is not always the case for any particular person
either. At some point or another,
everyone lusts. It ultimately comes down
to the responsibility of the individual to regulate and take responsibility not
to look if lust is there.
Let’s go even
further. It would be naïve of us to
believe that this is just a one-way interaction. As Lauren said, “She does see you,
and she thinks you're a creeper.”
The feelings of the person being looked at must be taken into
account. Even if the look of the first
is entirely pure, admiration free of any lustful intent, it does not mean it is
perceived in that light by the receiver.
If it is not, the looker offends against charity, for it is uncharitable
to make another feel uncomfortable by your actions, and I know that I don’t
want to make anyone feel that way.
If we are to err on the side of safety and charity, it is
just better never to look. That would
make it simple. However, life is not
that simple. God has made women to be
beautiful to men and men to be attractive to women. Looks are not inherently bad. If we never looked, it is hard to believe
anyone would ever be in a relationship at all, and God instituted marriage from
the beginning. The context of the look
is important. There is a big difference
between being drawn to a person you meet at work or church versus hanging your
tongue out the window as your drive by.
A look from a car will never amount to anything. I have heard a lot of love stories, marriage
stories, etc., and never have any of them started with, “I was out on my jog,
and this person came driving by looking at me…”
So, why do some people like the looks from the people driving
by if they will never come to anything? Honestly,
it may be pride. I may have to call
myself out here because I do like the looks.
I also do not think it is just guys who like the looks. I think there are some women who like being
checked out as well, whether they will admit it or not. I think it just has to do with the
person.
Why do you run? I don’t run because I enjoy it, though I enjoy it now much more than when I started running. I run because I have never found anything else that will keep the fat off me like running coupled with eating right. I run because I want to be healthy, feel good, and look good. If I am honest with myself, looking good is at the top of that list. Enter pride. When a woman looks at me, from the car or anywhere else, I do like it. The only situation which changes that is if she is married, then it makes me sick to my stomach. If she is single, though, it really does feel like a compliment, but it can also be an occasion for pride, “Make sure he sees you so that he thinks he’s AWESOME!” Once again, I am not willing to say that any positively received look is fully enflaming the pride of the receiver. If that was the case, every relationship would include a big side of pride. I think, once again, it becomes the responsibility of the individual person to make sure it does not become a pride issue.
Why do you run? I don’t run because I enjoy it, though I enjoy it now much more than when I started running. I run because I have never found anything else that will keep the fat off me like running coupled with eating right. I run because I want to be healthy, feel good, and look good. If I am honest with myself, looking good is at the top of that list. Enter pride. When a woman looks at me, from the car or anywhere else, I do like it. The only situation which changes that is if she is married, then it makes me sick to my stomach. If she is single, though, it really does feel like a compliment, but it can also be an occasion for pride, “Make sure he sees you so that he thinks he’s AWESOME!” Once again, I am not willing to say that any positively received look is fully enflaming the pride of the receiver. If that was the case, every relationship would include a big side of pride. I think, once again, it becomes the responsibility of the individual person to make sure it does not become a pride issue.
That is probably a lot to come from two little
comments. As I said, it does not take
much to get me thinking on things.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Sex Outside
"How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights" (Song of Songs 7:6).
You could cross time, culture, and nations asking people what they find most alluring, and I guarantee that one of the top answers would be the opposite sex. They delight, entice, confuse, and irritate, but no matter what, it is hard to get them off your mind. Satan is perfectly aware of this fact, and he uses his influence to capture and enslave. There are those who seek to make money by keeping lust inflamed through pornography, on the internet or otherwise. This is the reason that sexual sin permeates society.
As Christians, we are called to run from these things, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body" (1 Corinthians 6:18). The Scripture reveals the difference between sexual sin and other sins as well as the seriousness of becoming involved in sexual sin. It is something that contaminates the body as well as the spirit. What I mean by this is that sexual intercourse is meant to be shared between no one but those who are married. The reason for this is that sex forms a connection between two people the persists whether we want it to or not. This connection is so real, so binding, and so lasting that Paul considers the act of sex akin to marriage, "Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute [or anyone else] is one with her in body? For it is said, 'The two will become one flesh'" (1 Corinthians 6:16). When you have sex with someone, you bind yourself to them. When this connection is broken, it causes a lot of damage, spiritual and emotional, and part of that connection can never be broken. This damage is not always realized at the moment of the broken relationship. Many times it is not realized until years later, usually once a person gets married and engages in the appropriate sexual actions of a spouse. The mind starts to remember the images, smells, and feelings of previous encounters, and this makes committing to sex with just your spouse difficult because you remember your sexual experiences with others. It will bring distrust into your marriage. It can cause your spouse to feel betrayed, undesired, or even unloved.
In order to avoid this pain, Christians are told very clearly in Scripture that sex outside of marriage is an abomination to God, "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous" (Hebrews 13:4). When one engages in any sexual action from caressing certain areas to sexual intercourse, they dishonor the person they are with, their future spouse, the future spouse of that person, God's institution of marriage, and the name of God Himself. God will not hold such a person guiltless.
Some might argue that they are in love, and that should allow them to have sex before marriage. One of my pastors said something once that I will never forget, "You cannot fall in love. You can fall in infatuation." It means that love is not a feeling. It is not an uncontrollable emotion that makes resisting the advances of another impossible. That feeling is lust and infatuation. It is the youthful desire we are told to flee from, "Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart" (2 Timothy 2:22). If love was that feeling, then how can God be telling us to flee from it and pursue it? Consider the great love passage. The first thing it says about love is, "Love is patient" (1 Corinthians 13:4). It also says that, "It [love] does not insist on its own way" (1 Corinthians 13:5). This does not sound like the uncontrollable passions of sex before marriage. Love waits for the right time. If it doesn't, it is not love.
This lust is a powerful thing, though. Many do not understand it, and fewer still understand how it effects males and females differently. For a long time I merely assumed that lust in males and lust in females worked essentially in the same way. I was right and yet so very wrong.
I am not even going to attempt to create a comprehensive study on that topic, but I will lay down a couple warnings:
Women, girls, and all females listen up. You have no idea the level of stimulation that comes through a man's eyes. Even if you are married, do not think that you fully grasp it because you don't. You have not experienced how difficult a battle it truly is without living it 24/7. It entangles and ensnares even those who hate it. When you dress in an immodest way, you conjure lust within him. I am not going to draw a standard and give you a list of clothes that you cannot wear. The reason is twofold: my standard is not the same as any other man's, and you should be listening to God about your choice in clothes. Does that sound strange? Listen to God about how you should dress. It shouldn't. God should be the guiding force in our lives. Why should that not include dress? However, if you are still having a difficult time dressing appropriately, consider the heart decision behind why you are picking out that particular piece of clothing. Is it because you like the color or the style? Is it because it shows off your figure? Who are you trying to show your figure off to? You desire to be desired, I know, but is it good to prey on the weakness of your brothers in order to satisfy this desire? "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases" (Songs of Songs 8:4). Wait until you are married, and then seek this attention from your husband as it pleases God to do so.
Men, it is all too easy to think that we are off the hook in this area. We are not. We need to dress modestly as well. Women may not fall as easily to sin because of visual stimulation as we do, but that does not mean that they do not. It certainly does not mean that we can try to cause them to stumble. So, keep your shirts on, literally. God will not hold us any less guilty for that kind of immodesty.
Guys, do not lead people on. This is for both men and women. Even when sex is not part of a relationship, spiritual and emotional bonds can be made between people, and these bonds can be very painful when broken. Unfortunately, this does happen. We are told to guard our hearts for this very reason, "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life" (Proverbs 4:23). However, some lead people on. They date for their own amusement, to satisfy their own desire or insecurities with no serious consideration to continue the relationship for the long haul. How is that honoring your brother or sister! How is that loving them! What is the greatest commandment? "And he said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself'" (Matthew 22:37-39). If you are dating someone, you should have a serious consideration of possibly marrying them later on. This is not to say that you are ready to ask them or say yes, but you need to be able to see that possibility. Think about them for a second. Can you see yourself committing to this person for the rest of your life? If the answer is no, you need to stop taking advantage of them and end the relationship.
The first sexual union was described like this, "Then the man said, 'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:23-24). C.S. Lewis said that the monstrosity of sexual intercourse outside of marriage is attempting to take one form of union apart from the others God intended it to go with. Sex is the union of two people, body, mind, spirit. To join like this without the marriage covenant will only cause pain and injury, sometimes so severe it can never fully heal. God would save you from that pain.
Beyond that, Christians are called to a higher standard than that of the world. If we live at the sexual standard of the world, we blaspheme the name of God before the world, and they will blaspheme His name because of us. Do not think there will be no consequences! God's wrath will be poured out on you in any number of ways, or He will simply abandon you to your sin. It will distance you from God, and He will not hear you. You will certainly not hear Him. If that doesn't cause fear or that sick, empty feeling in your stomach, you should consider how far away from God you already are. You know better than to fall to the world's standard, "For you know what commandments we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (1 Thessalonians 4:2-4). There should not even be a hint of sexual immorality among God's people, "But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints" (Ephesians 5:3). Instead you should act in accordance with who God is and who He made you to be, "But as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, 'You shall be holy, for I am holy'" (1 Peter 1:15-16).
You could cross time, culture, and nations asking people what they find most alluring, and I guarantee that one of the top answers would be the opposite sex. They delight, entice, confuse, and irritate, but no matter what, it is hard to get them off your mind. Satan is perfectly aware of this fact, and he uses his influence to capture and enslave. There are those who seek to make money by keeping lust inflamed through pornography, on the internet or otherwise. This is the reason that sexual sin permeates society.
As Christians, we are called to run from these things, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body" (1 Corinthians 6:18). The Scripture reveals the difference between sexual sin and other sins as well as the seriousness of becoming involved in sexual sin. It is something that contaminates the body as well as the spirit. What I mean by this is that sexual intercourse is meant to be shared between no one but those who are married. The reason for this is that sex forms a connection between two people the persists whether we want it to or not. This connection is so real, so binding, and so lasting that Paul considers the act of sex akin to marriage, "Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute [or anyone else] is one with her in body? For it is said, 'The two will become one flesh'" (1 Corinthians 6:16). When you have sex with someone, you bind yourself to them. When this connection is broken, it causes a lot of damage, spiritual and emotional, and part of that connection can never be broken. This damage is not always realized at the moment of the broken relationship. Many times it is not realized until years later, usually once a person gets married and engages in the appropriate sexual actions of a spouse. The mind starts to remember the images, smells, and feelings of previous encounters, and this makes committing to sex with just your spouse difficult because you remember your sexual experiences with others. It will bring distrust into your marriage. It can cause your spouse to feel betrayed, undesired, or even unloved.
In order to avoid this pain, Christians are told very clearly in Scripture that sex outside of marriage is an abomination to God, "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous" (Hebrews 13:4). When one engages in any sexual action from caressing certain areas to sexual intercourse, they dishonor the person they are with, their future spouse, the future spouse of that person, God's institution of marriage, and the name of God Himself. God will not hold such a person guiltless.
Some might argue that they are in love, and that should allow them to have sex before marriage. One of my pastors said something once that I will never forget, "You cannot fall in love. You can fall in infatuation." It means that love is not a feeling. It is not an uncontrollable emotion that makes resisting the advances of another impossible. That feeling is lust and infatuation. It is the youthful desire we are told to flee from, "Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart" (2 Timothy 2:22). If love was that feeling, then how can God be telling us to flee from it and pursue it? Consider the great love passage. The first thing it says about love is, "Love is patient" (1 Corinthians 13:4). It also says that, "It [love] does not insist on its own way" (1 Corinthians 13:5). This does not sound like the uncontrollable passions of sex before marriage. Love waits for the right time. If it doesn't, it is not love.
This lust is a powerful thing, though. Many do not understand it, and fewer still understand how it effects males and females differently. For a long time I merely assumed that lust in males and lust in females worked essentially in the same way. I was right and yet so very wrong.
I am not even going to attempt to create a comprehensive study on that topic, but I will lay down a couple warnings:
Women, girls, and all females listen up. You have no idea the level of stimulation that comes through a man's eyes. Even if you are married, do not think that you fully grasp it because you don't. You have not experienced how difficult a battle it truly is without living it 24/7. It entangles and ensnares even those who hate it. When you dress in an immodest way, you conjure lust within him. I am not going to draw a standard and give you a list of clothes that you cannot wear. The reason is twofold: my standard is not the same as any other man's, and you should be listening to God about your choice in clothes. Does that sound strange? Listen to God about how you should dress. It shouldn't. God should be the guiding force in our lives. Why should that not include dress? However, if you are still having a difficult time dressing appropriately, consider the heart decision behind why you are picking out that particular piece of clothing. Is it because you like the color or the style? Is it because it shows off your figure? Who are you trying to show your figure off to? You desire to be desired, I know, but is it good to prey on the weakness of your brothers in order to satisfy this desire? "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases" (Songs of Songs 8:4). Wait until you are married, and then seek this attention from your husband as it pleases God to do so.
Men, it is all too easy to think that we are off the hook in this area. We are not. We need to dress modestly as well. Women may not fall as easily to sin because of visual stimulation as we do, but that does not mean that they do not. It certainly does not mean that we can try to cause them to stumble. So, keep your shirts on, literally. God will not hold us any less guilty for that kind of immodesty.
Guys, do not lead people on. This is for both men and women. Even when sex is not part of a relationship, spiritual and emotional bonds can be made between people, and these bonds can be very painful when broken. Unfortunately, this does happen. We are told to guard our hearts for this very reason, "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life" (Proverbs 4:23). However, some lead people on. They date for their own amusement, to satisfy their own desire or insecurities with no serious consideration to continue the relationship for the long haul. How is that honoring your brother or sister! How is that loving them! What is the greatest commandment? "And he said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself'" (Matthew 22:37-39). If you are dating someone, you should have a serious consideration of possibly marrying them later on. This is not to say that you are ready to ask them or say yes, but you need to be able to see that possibility. Think about them for a second. Can you see yourself committing to this person for the rest of your life? If the answer is no, you need to stop taking advantage of them and end the relationship.
The first sexual union was described like this, "Then the man said, 'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:23-24). C.S. Lewis said that the monstrosity of sexual intercourse outside of marriage is attempting to take one form of union apart from the others God intended it to go with. Sex is the union of two people, body, mind, spirit. To join like this without the marriage covenant will only cause pain and injury, sometimes so severe it can never fully heal. God would save you from that pain.
Beyond that, Christians are called to a higher standard than that of the world. If we live at the sexual standard of the world, we blaspheme the name of God before the world, and they will blaspheme His name because of us. Do not think there will be no consequences! God's wrath will be poured out on you in any number of ways, or He will simply abandon you to your sin. It will distance you from God, and He will not hear you. You will certainly not hear Him. If that doesn't cause fear or that sick, empty feeling in your stomach, you should consider how far away from God you already are. You know better than to fall to the world's standard, "For you know what commandments we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (1 Thessalonians 4:2-4). There should not even be a hint of sexual immorality among God's people, "But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints" (Ephesians 5:3). Instead you should act in accordance with who God is and who He made you to be, "But as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, 'You shall be holy, for I am holy'" (1 Peter 1:15-16).
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