I had just started seminary back in 2006 at the San Antonio extension campus of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. "The Christian Home" class was held in the evening, so I was already tired from a day full of listening to syllabi when I heard something so surprising out of the professor's mouth that it has stuck with me to this day, "I would never let an unmarried man onto my staff." I stayed silent, but my mind was racing. As a single man trying to follow God's leading into ministry, you can imagine what was going through my head. Why would he say such a thing? What makes one of these married guys so much more qualified than me? Is there something wrong with me?
During the next few years in seminary, I began to see that this was not a legalistic prejudice of only a small minority of pastors. I began to see that this discrimination extended far beyond what I could have imagined. After I graduated seminary and began looking for ministry positions, I saw the "Preferred Married" stamp on many jobs. I do not know if this truly means preferred or if it is a politically correct way of saying, "If you aren't hitched, don't bother." I even found that ministry positions not bearing that little addendum were excluding those who were unmarried. I do not care to share how I found out about that. Just trust me that I did. All of this led me to ask in frustration the following questions:
"Since when has not being married excluded someone from following the call to ministry God has put on them?"
"How does being married make someone more qualified to hold a ministry position than someone who is single?"
In searching Scripture for the answer, I found only two verses that can be taken to support the need for a minister to be married. They are giving the qualifications for overseers (pastors), 1 Timothy 3:2 and Titus 1:6. The only thing you have to do with them first is to take them completely out of the literary and historical context. The literal translation of the Greek phrase is, "of one woman man." The same phrase is used as a qualification for widows in 1 Timothy 5:9, "one man woman." Obviously, the widows are not married or they would not qualify for financial support from the church. This means that 1 Timothy 3:2 is not requiring men in ministry to be married. It is requiring a quality of faithfulness. He should not be a womanizer. A requirement of marriage is also inconsistent with the rest of the listed qualifications of an overseer (pastor) because they are all qualities of character, not held statuses. There was some evidence of polygamy being practiced in Jewish circles at the time this book was written. It is not absolutely certain that was the case, but I am sure that if it was, God would prohibit it among those leading His Church. The original picture of marriage in Genesis was one man and one woman. It should never have been otherwise. However this verse was intended to read, it does not exclude single men from ministry. God is not looking at whether a man can get married. He is looking at the faithfulness of his heart. Requiring marriage of pastors is a step toward becoming the next line of Pharisees.
If a simple study of the Greek phrase can so easily show the error of a marriage requirement, why is there one? I believe the answer could come from two places. First, it is a backlash against the Catholic church's requirement of celibacy. Requiring celibacy is no better than requiring marriage. We can very easily see the problem of required celibacy looking back through the history of it. I will not go into it here. If you so desire, there are plenty of resources you can find to address that issue. The answer to the problem, though, is not to run the other direction and off the required marriage cliff instead. The answer is to walk in the requirement of faithfulness that is given in Scripture. The second reason I believe the requirement came about is the fear of pastors searching for wives in the flock they are overseeing. This is legitimate, to a point. If the pastor is serial dating his whole flock, that is a big issue, and it disqualifies him from holding that position by the requirement of faithfulness. However, is there really anything wrong with a pastor finding his ideal mate within the church? Honestly, is there any better place? Would you rather see him at the bar?
There are two very good examples of single men in ministry that I would refer any pastor who still has reservations about putting a single man on his staff: Jesus and Paul. Yes, Jesus is God and Paul was one of the apostles. However, that does not mean you have to be God or an apostle to be able to handle ministry as a single person. Paul even encourages people to stay single in order that they can devote themselves more fully to God and the ministry He has called them to:
"To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am" (1 Corinthians 7:8).
"Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife" (1 Corinthians 7:25:27).
Now, Paul makes it clear that getting married is not a sin. He even says that if you are going to burn with passion, you need to get married so you do not sin. However, even if a man is not married and seeking marriage, that does not disqualify him from ministry. He is doing what Scripture says he should as long has he is doing it in a way that shows faithfulness in his character.
Another point to make is that a single man can devote much more time to the ministry than a married man, and even more so than a married man with children. I am finding that to be true already after replacing a man as a youth pastor who had a wife and children. This is nothing against him. He had obligations and responsibilities that, from what I hear, he did an amazing job fulfilling. I just have more time than he did, plain and simple.
While I was at seminary, I began to see and hear of a trend that has been happening with men at the seminary because of this requirement of marriage from many churches. They are majoring in theological studies while minoring in availability. Some have even reversed that. They are concerned about the requirement of marriage so much so that, instead of following God to find a really good woman who can be a minister's wife, they are marrying the first woman they can find who will say, "Yes." If you think a single man in ministry is an issue, enter the firestorm of man mismatched in marriage. It is this catastrophe waiting to happen that blindsides the congregation with an affair or a divorce... or both. I witnessed the aftermath of just such an event having come in to replace a youth minister whose wife had an affair with one of the youth. It derails the ministry of the church, and it can tear churches apart. Yet, this is what the requirement of marriage, stated or unstated, is bringing to the church. Personally, I would rather have a single guy.
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